My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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