omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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