Please, let me fuck your mom
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
