am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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