My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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