I bet he comes in French.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
