I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
