i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize