its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
