I'm so fucking centered right now
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
