Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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