wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
