don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
