I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
