dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im holly from the hills drunk
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
