Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize