OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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