I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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