I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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