You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
