You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize