your parents love me but you hate me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
