why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
