did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
