Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
