i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
