Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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