operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
