It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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