i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
