No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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