FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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