last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
