between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
