I cannot find my penis.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
