I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
