fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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