I think I am morally bankrupt
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
