Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
