So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
