Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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