i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
