Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize