i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
