the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
