just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
