Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
