I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize