Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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