You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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