what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize