Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
