dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
