Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
