I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
