4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize