why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
