just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
