she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
