3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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