Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
