I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
