In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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