So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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