cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
