just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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