Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's shark week go big or go home
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
