I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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