my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
