Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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