It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
