the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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